![]() The alien tech gives the teen all kinds of powers, but when a mysterious organization called Chronos tries to retrieve the suit, Sean discovers how dangerous the device really is. The Guyver followed a young boy named Sean Barker who accidentally merges with an extraterrestrial suit of armor. The franchise was ultimately brought to Hollywood when New Line Cinema turned it into a live-action film. When Yoshiki Takaya created Bio Booster Armor Guyver in 1985, he didn't know what fate had in store for the fan-favorite mecha manga. Star: India Eisley, Samuel L.Despite his best efforts, Mark Hamill could not save the travesty that is The Guyver. Much the same is true of the film as a whole. Eisley, whom you may recognize from Underworld: Awakening, does okay, but compared to, say, Chloe Moretz, makes almost no impression at all. It has to be that way, because if Sawa remembered at any other time, the entire story would collapse in on itself, long before you reach the “surprise” revelation, which will still come as a shock to absolutely no-one. You’re always skating on thin ice when you’re using amnesia as a key plot point in your movie, especially when it’s the particularly cinematic form seen in this case, where memory inevitably returns at the most dramatically convenient moments. If you’ve seen the clips we have previously posted, then you’ll understand why they chose to feature them, because it’s the stuff between the action which is the problem here. There are some moments of visual style, with good use of aerial cameras, and the action is decent to solid, being well-constructed and executed. Watching it uncomfortably, I kept expecting Chris Hansen to come out of my kitchen and say, “Why don’t you have a seat over here?” Though Christopher Tookey, the now-unemployed (hoorah!) critic who whined about Kick-Ass fetishizing paedophilia, would have had his head explode during the scene where Eisley (19 during filming, but playing way younger) grinds in her underwear on top of a middle-aged man. This feels largely like someone tried to make a Hit-Girl movie, but based on third-hand descriptions of the character. Ziman’s pedigree is… Well, almost non-existent, with Gangster’s Paradise: Jerusalema his sole directing credit in the dozen years before Kite. Certainly, Jackson seems to be phoning his performance in – though better that, I suppose, than the yelling which characterizes many of his recent roles, and it’s still above the 100% forgettable McAuliffe. Ellis, who died in South Africa during pre-production – this would have re-united him with Jackson, since Ellis also directed Snakes on a Plane. One wonders if this might have been better served under original director, David R. Throwing another spanner in the works is Oburi (McAuliffe), a young man Sawa encounters, who seems to want to help her, yet also knows more about her parents’ deaths than he initially lets on. He provides her with some literally whizz-bang equipment, in the form of bullets that explode a few seconds after they’ve embedded themselves in you, and also keeps her dosed with “Amp”, a drug that lets her forget all her killing, but at the cost, eventually, of also making her forget the parents for whom she is seeking revenge. She’s helped, as she works her way up the chain of command, by her father’s colleague, Karl Aker (Jackson). Sawa (Eisley) is on a mission, searching for the Emir, the leaders of one such network, whom she blames for the death of both her mother and policeman father. ![]() Loosely based on the notorious anime, this relocates things to South Africa, after a financial crash has turned everything into a giant slum, and human trafficking gangs operate with impunity. “A two-dimensional adaptation of two-dimensional animation” ![]()
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